First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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