Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
