you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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