just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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