its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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