Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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