You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize