you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
