And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
