If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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