Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
