so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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