Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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