His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
