How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
