YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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