no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My bed smells like the plague
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
