if you like me you must not know who I am
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
