I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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