I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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