So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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