Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
