In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize