Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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