your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
