That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm passing your future prison.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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