She went from zero to smokin in five shots
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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