My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
