Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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