Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize