I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
