the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
