its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize