I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
