Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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