I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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