A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
