You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize