i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
