Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
