playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
