So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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