Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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