you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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