Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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