I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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