I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
