I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
