I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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