Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
