This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's never too late to be topless.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
