How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize