I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
