Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize