i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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