Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
