my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
