1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
