you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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