Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
