his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
