It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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