don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
