I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
