my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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