If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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