Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
