Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
