Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
