when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
