how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize