how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
