sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
