I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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