pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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