I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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