i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
