he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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