Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
