I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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