Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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