this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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