You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
