tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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