I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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