the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
