yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
