I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
