I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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