sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
