allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
