you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
