now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
