You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
