I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
