I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
