life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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