Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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