Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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